you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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