Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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