Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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