i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
