I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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