Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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