I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
