You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
