Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
