the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
