Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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