Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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