Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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