Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
