I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
