my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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