i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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