what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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