We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think your dad took our porno
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
