At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
