I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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