im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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