is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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