awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
