He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
its liver damage thursday
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
