my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
