we have pet lesbian snakes
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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