I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
