You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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