I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
