i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
