a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
