Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
