that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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