so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
