Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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