The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
