youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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