fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
