I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
