Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
