why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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