well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
