Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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