what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
