i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
