Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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