How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I showed him my bush... on skype.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
