She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
