the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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