ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
