She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
