I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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