So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
