I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
