i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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