just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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