Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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