he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
