Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't turn off my feet"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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