Your face is a jimmy john
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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