You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
