I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
