I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
