im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
home. puking in laundry basket.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.