i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.