Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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