so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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