I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.