Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!