the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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