Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
