Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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